profkf's Blog

So, if you read the prior post (and if you’re reading this and you’ve not yet read that…stop and go back it’s totally worth it) you know how many moving parts it involved and how frenetic it was….let’s continue along.

After the last trip back there was a full 2 days of vegetation and recovery on my part, it included a newly developed fear of getting back on the plane later in the week so mentally it took even longer to “recover”. Finally, I got back in the pool and did some very welcome laps and that started to help. We also had tickets to see Dawes, a band I love and have wanted to see for a long time, at what turned out to be a very small venue, Victory North, in Savannah. The evening started with a great “pregame” dinner at Ardsley Station a 4 minute walk from Victory North where we parked directly across the street. After dinner we went to the venue and, as per the recommendation of one of the folks at VN, got there early since it was general admission and even though there was seating in the mezzanine that, too, was first come first served and limited (the entire floor area by the stage was SRO). We got seats, there was a full bar, and the band was absolutely incredible. The trip home was easy, and by 11:30, already fully packed for the flight the next day, we got some sleep.

Thursday: We had a very civil 11:15 AM flight, got a great parking spot, walked the 3 minutes to the terminal, got through TSA Pre Check easily and along with our carry on luggage spent about 40 minutes in the lounge and boarded our flight. The flight was smooth, and Tori picked us up at JFK for the ride to her home (our landing spot for the next 4 nights) and on the way we picked up Manero’s steaks, onions, salad and garlic bread, then next door for a great Stag’s Leap District Cab, to have a dinner that couldn’t be beat. While we were waiting for Paul to arrive, Tori graciously opened an outstanding Adelaida Shiraz as a starter. I grilled the steaks and came to the inevitable conclusion, as we suspected, that Manero’s steaks are incomparable. Bottom Line: You cannot get steaks like that anywhere where we now are in South Carolina, no place, not a butcher, not a restaurant, no where! It was a fabulous meal with all the components we so miss. Just the four of us, relaxed and joking.

Friday: After a great night of sleep, Paul headed back to work and we relaxed for the day (it started out kinda dreary). Sue and Tori headed to some stores to shop and return some things, and I just enjoyed the sweetness of doing nothing. We then got ready for the main event, the reason we flew back up, Tracy’s milestone birthday at Josie and Tony’s in Norwalk. To say it was spectacular and fun would be an understatement. In addition to many of Tracy’s family, and some of Laura’s as well, we got to spend the evening with Amy, Dan, Nelle, Michael, Jill and Mark and some other folks we had not seen in quite a while. The food was fabulous, Josh, Gene and everyone concerned seem to swoop in from nowhere the nano second a wine glass was even partially empty. The 3 piece band was great, never too loud but always on point. The evening seemed to go forever but then seemed to end far too soon.

Saturday: Nelle and Michael very kindly went to Alpen Pantry for sandwiches (again, like Manero’s beef, the quality of the AP sandwich is so unique it is a must stop!), we watched the Yankee game (something else I can’t get in SC) along with the John Stirling tribute, and then off to dinner at Elm Street Oyster House in Greenwich, another one of those places that Sue and I have been going to for over 25 years (we had our first official date there in the late 90’s). Their Wasabi crusted Tuna (the classic that remains unchanged and just as good as ever), Softshell crab special, and Paella were all up to par, the only small food hiccup was the disappointing Lobster Roll (minimal lobster, not in a roll but in grilled bread that disintegrated when you picked it up) did not take away from the joy of the setting or the evening. The service was spot on but everything came out too quickly and as such we were headed home before we should have been. We did get the opportunity to watch some playoff games though so that was a plus and another nice wind down to the evening.

Sunday: Amy, toward the end of the event on Friday, had said “hey, come over for sunday dinner, I’ll boil some macaroni”…so after again a relaxing morning and then watching another Yankee game in the early afternoon, we headed over to Amy and Dan’s. Paul had, on Saturday, brought some pastries, provolone, sausage, pepperoni, mozzarella and most importantly, Bastone Bread from the Bronx (more things you cannot get in SC and even though there is pepperoni and some sausage and cheese, it’s not freshly made and not as good…good bread simply does not exist here). Contrary to her statement of “I’ll boil some macaroni…” When we got there, already laid out was an antipasti that could have feed a small country (we were only going to be 8 people). While we were talking and sipping Amy was busy making escarole and beans and broccoli rabe to go with the pasta…far more than simply “boiling macaroni”. Another meal that could not be beat…laughter, friendship, wine and just magic. We eventually headed back to Tori’s relaxed a bit and then Sue and I headed to bed as we again had that same hideous 6:30 AM flight.

Monday: Paul had drawn the short straw and was tasked with getting us to the airport. This time, since we were only carrying on, we didn’t have to leave till 5 Am (far different from the 3 AM wake up and 3:30 AM depart last week). I also was VERY conscious about hydrating all weekend, and by the time we left for the airport had already finished one 24 oz bottle of water. Also, as it was not the start of spring break, the airport was not full, nor was the flight. When Paul dropped us off, we easily went through security (again TSA Pre Check !!) and within 15 minutes we were boarding the plane. As soon as I walked on I locked eyes with the same flight attendant from the prior debacle and she smiled at me, and I at her, and as I passed her she asked how I was…I showed here the full 24 oz water bottle, told her I had already finished two others and that I was fine “I’ll be keeping my eye on you..” was her playful admonishment and she did repeatedly check in throughout the less than 2 hour flight. Sue and I each had our own row, the flight was smooth, landed early, we walked to the car, drove home and were greeted by Abbey THE dog!

Postscript: We are incredibly lucky to have what amounts to a second family of these fine mentioned folks. We were surrounded by love, warmth, and laughter. Someone mentioned at dinner during the toast that we were all the family that we had all chosen. The opportunities to have so many food items that we were missing along the way added to it even more. While the prior trip ended on what seemed like the “worst of times” this entire trip was truly the “best of times”.

Reality is a tough meal to chew. Abbey the dog has been a model “child”. She barks, of course, incessantly, for the simplest things. She is not a fan of other dogs when she’s on a walk (which she loves). But honestly, for the past 12+ years she has been so incredibly sweet and reliable. That makes it all the more difficult to realize that the thief that is time has stolen some of her best steps. She can no longer jump into a car, she can’t even get onto the bed with a running start and a bench in front of the bed. She seems to want to go out a lot, but really does not seem to know why she wants to go out. We are fortunate now to have a fenced in yard but when we let her out she will sometimes just stare or wander.

Today she seemed very edgy, wandering around most of the day (even after a morning walk), and finding it hard to settle down. As I write this she is finally settled on the floor and seemingly asleep. The bottom line is our girl is getting on and I fear the clock is starting to tick a little more quickly than I am comfortable with. I know the reality is that we have them for a relatively short time and it’s never easy to watch the decline and maybe I’m looking in the mirror at the stolen steps as well and maybe that hits harder or maybe it’s just the thought that the her bed will one day be empty and that her harness will no longer be worn or that when someone rings the bell there will be no barking. It may be a long way off, but then again, it may not…

“There’s a time when the traveler is fated to find
That insight has turned his gaze behind, behind
And the steps taken yesterday will beckon again
And lead to his weary journey’s end, his journey’s end“. DGF 1981

There are, of course, historically significant dates you’ve lived through that stick with you…11/22/1963, 7/20/1969, 5/04/1970 and 9/11/2001 are the ones that immediately come to mind. Then there is Friday, 3/20/2020.

The news reports had been loaded with stories about the Corona Virus, having lived through Swine Flu and the “flesh eating disease” early on, I though it just another story to bring eyes and ears to the media, in school I would refer to it sarcastically as “the budweiser virus” [how very wrong was I?]. I believe it was 3/13/2020 where it was declared a national emergency and on 3/15 at least in NYC things began to shut down. It went a little slower in CT by a few days. Both Sue and I were called to attend faculty meetings where it we were told that they were not sure what was going to happen. Sue was told to bring her chromebook home “just in case”. I was told, sitting in an auditorium with zero protections, that Dr. Cheeseman (the clueless Supt of the Diocese of Bridgeport, remember I was working there part time since 2014 after retiring from public school teaching in 2012) didn’t see the need to close, even as the public schools were talking about a two week precautionary closure. I did mention, at that point to the principal that she could count me out and I would not be coming in if they didn’t close (I had the luxury that no one else there had). So home we went…and then both of us received texts and calls later that night informing us that the Gov. had decided that schools and all non essential services would close for two weeks….two weeks….well, we know how that went…

What we know in retrospect is that pretty much no one knew anything about how bad it would get, how to prevent it “Social Distancing” was added to the lexicon almost immediately. Learned, scientific leaders were giving advice about sanitizing, washing, and keeping apart. The clown leading the nation was minimizing it as the death count continued to rise and, as continues to be his habit, spent most of his time name calling those who were thoughtful and trying to help while suggesting that clorox ingestion would cure all. All the while telling the nation daily that it was going to simply “go away”. While this was happening, a doctor friend of mine told me to get to his office and they could spare ONE mask for me as he was certain it would at least help if I did have to go out. (Masks were impossible to get even the surgical disposable he gave me as the medical folks were in dire need).

We stayed home, taught remotely as the week passed, then the second week, then the month, then the next month then it became clear there would be no reopening that school year. I went out to shop once each week, at 6 AM, and moved quickly before there were many people there, (forget Instacart/Grocery delivery during that time, it was impossible). We lost more and more people, including my friend Silvio who passed on Easter Sunday 2020…it was not until the summer that it seemed to be a bit more manageable (albeit still scary and still not wanting to be inside with more than your “pod”). The fall would bring varied hybrid openings of schools (All Saints went back to full on in person session, again admin not really caring for anything more than their tuition fees, though any parent who wanted to keep their kid home was allowed creating the most ineffective hybrid teaching arrangement for those kids)

Eventually in January of 2021 Sue and I received our first doses of what, for us, has proven to be a very effective vaccine (going to get yet another booster in a week per CDC reco for us “old folks”, since it has worked, why not!!) and while it is now part of life, it is not the same incredibly scary cloud it was on 3/20/2020

As an aside, I’ll close this piece with a bit of humor….When the news broke, that is referenced in the screen shot below, it was 7:30 pm, Total Wine closed at 8 pm, I jumped our of my chair, hit the car and drove directly to Total Wine….of course, I should have thought ahead, there was no way in CT especially in Fairfield County the land of the WASP, that they would ever have considered the liquor stores “non essential”…however it was worth making sure…

I find it funny that now that I have a lot of time to relax, to think, to read, to simply enjoy the passage of time (THE secret o’ life according to James Taylor), it is overwhelmingly apparent that same commodity, time, is perhaps the most agile thief of all.

I was watching some golf this afternoon, Tiger Woods is playing his first official tournament of the year and it is so evident that time has stolen much from him (yes, injury plays a part, but I’m talking about the little things that are not really that physical…matters of judgement and touch). In earlier years, you would never see him fluff a chip shot or miss putts that us “regular folks” can make most of the time.

Professional athletes do have a relatively short effective “shelf life” at their zenith, but even us “regular folks” have much of their “best steps” stolen away by that same thief. I guess the fact that I’m able to recognize that while simultaneously lamenting it, should be considered a benefit, it means I’ve been around long enough to have it happen “in its time”. I’ve not been cheated with early demise but simply riding the river of time, probably better than many.

That brings me to what really caused these thoughts today. Late in March of 2012, after much nudging, I gave in to the fact that we should get a dog, Sue never had one as an adult and it took me a while (quite a while actually) to come around. So we picked a pig in a poke and sight unseen (other than a picture on the rescue site) we met the rescue bus and welcomed Abbey THE dog….Abbey, who ran out of the house the first day I was alone with her and led the entire neighborhood on a merry chase before our neighbor managed to coax her into her car a few blocks away. Abbey who two days later, snapped the flexible leash when darting off after a squirrel when Sue just let it play out till the end quite the perfect example of the old HS Physics formula F=MA and again had to be coaxed home (this time she ran into our driveway and right into the open car I had. Abbey who pulled Sue down one icy Superbowl Sunday night causing multiple staples in Sue’s head and who again pulled her down another night causing the gas line to the whole how generator to become detached. Abbey who barks at the sound of a bird on a wire (think about that), Abbey who had to be drugged to a fair thee well to make the drive from CT to SC when we moved. Abbey who, though all that, is my buddy.

Abbey is slowing down, and it’s increasingly noticeable. Her back legs are weak and she can no longer hop into the car unaided, she can’t make it onto the bed with a bench to jump to, even with a running start and a rug to grip on the chances are only 50-50 that she can make the leap. Her walks still start out with her excited and jumping up and down (though slipping on floors without carpet as she spins) but the walks are shorter and where once, we had to put the leash on the front of her harness to prevent pulling she now more often than not, ambles along.

It is clear that time, the thief, is lurking around, and while not knocking on the door just yet, has made his/her presence known.

2016 – 2020 were alarmingly upsetting on so many levels. It has nothing to do with the two major parties, there has always been a difference between them and there will always be, honest debate and difference of opinion is not only healthy, it is how society grows and learns from each other. The cataclysmic shift that happened is still something that I cannot grasp. Someone with absolutely no qualifications of any kind of successful, honest leadership threw open a door to things that have always existed in the good old US of A, but seemed to have been relegated to a substantial minority.

I was very fortunate to have had an outstanding education, albeit in Catholic schools from the 1st grade through high school. It was incredibly rigorous in terms of academics, but it also contained things that today, one would not expect from such a background. We were in St. Brendan’s, of course, well schooled Catholic philosophy and beliefs and in elementary school (grades 1-8, there was no “middle school” or “junior h.s. in those settings back then) it was hammered home that ours was the “one true religion” and that anyone not following those precepts were to be eternally damned to hell. Cardinal Spellman HS was a different story. Yes, religion classes were required each year, but there was no emphasis on the damning to hell, there was a full blown inclusion of other belief systems with comparisons about the similarities (Espiscopals were referred to as “catholic lite”) and the differences (Jewish Kosher practices, for example, were explained from a historical perspective as well as from a biblical belief aspect). We were also always encouraged to think for ourselves, and to not blindly follow something or someone without a mountain of evidence that we could be comfortable with. We read all manner of literature across the four years, many of which are on the “banned” list today. We laughed at the possibility of Fahrenheit451 being anything more than science fiction. The nation’s foundation based upon slavery was covered extensively, and I suspect that had we known as much as we know today, it would have gone into even more depth, but for its time it was incredibly comprehensive.

We were encouraged to be empathetic and to look for the good in every situation. There were significant consequences (yes, including physical punishment) for name calling if it was discovered, and the jocks coexisted with the nerds who shared lunch with the musicians and the theater folks. We were taught that you could not form a reasonable opinion on a matter until you learned about it, about what caused it and what the ramifications were. We were taught that the rise of Fascism in the 30’s were mostly economic and that singular “charismatic” leaders took advantage of the situation and not only the Holocaust but the death of tens of thousands on both sides was directly due to these leaders.

We were also taught that good overcomes evil (there’s that catholic undertone again), and that we were now moving further and further ahead. Civil Rights laws, desegregation, the beginning of the recognition that “all men are created equal” should really read “all people are created equal” and that women were as capable as men on every front.

I’ve lived through JFK, RFK, MLK, being killed, Manson, Son of Sam, Vietnam, 9/11, and currently the ever growing mass shootings, yet until 2016 I was never afraid for the nation. I did think that 2020 was a glimmer of hope and a wake up, yet then 1/6 happened and today that same person, the one who encouraged it, is back like the Master from the Hellmouth in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

We are again subjected to daily missives of name calling, threats (both direct and couched), and the real possibility that the nation I have been so lucky to live in for 71+ years is at risk of dying in the darkness. I have many personal fundamental disagreements with Liz Chaney, Mitt Romney, et al, I didn’t really support either Bush or Regan, I did vote for Nixon one of the two times he ran, but at no time was I ever worried even with RMN, that the foundation of our nation was at risk. I cannot say that today and it is, as it says in the title, mind numbingly confusing. Every administration inherits problems, but when a candidate is so “feared” by those currently in power that they can dictate a negotiated compromise cannot go forward since it doesn’t benefit HIM, you can only shake your head. If you are thoughtful you will find problems and flaws in every single administration from George Washington through Joe Biden, however there is really only one of those administrations that has and continues to orchestrate a change from a democracy to a fascist dictatorship.

Democracy Dies in Darkness….we can only hope that there is enough light left to keep that from happening before history is rewritten for good…as close as we are now to the Handmaid’s Tale, let’s hope we never get to where The Man in The High Castle is anything more than fiction.

If you’re reading this, likely you have read other recent musings. I have been fighting age related maladies and it has hit me like a brick of pure depression. The latest is (was) the arthritis diagnosis in my feet that has no surgical magic “fix” they way the hips did. There was the Rx of custom orthotics but I was leery about their efficacy. The wait for them was over a month and the inability to walk comfortably for anything over 1/4 of a mile in any shoes had me sinking into a deeper and deeper funk.

Well, I picked them up on Monday (that’s 4 days ago at this writing) and while they were not uncomfortable themselves, every shoe I tried them in created its own problem. (Full disclosure: I hate wearing socks except to run). With every shoe, even using “foot glide” they raised my foot up just enough that I was in the “about to blister” part of the program. So, I added socks to the mix, and that helped a bit, but the heel was still slipping in the shoe more than it should (I had settled on my Nike Air Pegasus running shoes at the best). Then it occurred to me that I had seen a way to lace those that helped the heel be more stable, and lo and behold, THAT seems to have taken care of that problem.

The other issue was that now that the inserts were realigning my gait, my muscles, hips, knees and hamstrings were barking at me since they had not been used that way for who knows how long.

Having rehabbed knees and hips I was very cautious to not overdue things so each day has been a bit more effort…The brings me right up to this morning.

Socks, foot glide, better lacing and off I went for what I hoped would be a nice walk in a nice 55 degree morning here in South Carolina….The result 2.27 miles (the longest by a full mile in a very long time) of a delightful stroll with no pain and no blistering….and added hope that things are looking up.

What all of that did was give me pause to think (I once told a very dear friend that I do my best thinking while running or swimming, in this case the return to walking will have to stand in) about how incredibly fortunate I continue to be…

While I’m not really in love with our living community if I ever move again it will NOT be to somewhere with an HOA, I love the weather in SC, We have a beautiful, comfortable home, our costs are between 2/3 and 3/4 lower than they were. While aging is not for the feint of heart, and all the “little things” are annoying…they are (at least up to now) truly little things. Not one single issue I’ve had has been something that is life threatening, or something that was unable to be addressed and for the most part ameliorated quickly. The fine medical folks in SC simply cannot believe the quality of the medical coverage we have and the fact that we don’t have to make health choices based upon finance is another positive. As an example the custom orthotics, out of pocket, would have been $800 per pair (the Orthopedist apologized when he “had” to prescribe them as they are “so expensive”…however, much to the amazement of the doc, my medical plan covers unlimited pairs with only a $10 copay per pair…so once I’m sure that they are right, I will have 4 more pairs made so I don’t have to shift from shoe to shoe…not having to make a choice based on finance….

Given the opportunity to reflect on all this while walking, it hit me that I should just grow the hell up, stop letting the little shit make me annoyed or sad, and to remember that for the most part, it’s ALL little shit…

It continues to be a lovely cruise…..