So, if you’ve been reading, you know that I have been retired from full time teaching since 2012 and as of June 2021, from part time teaching. We are now fully settled in Bluffton, SC and I have been toying with doing something other than simply living the retirement life.

A few weeks back, a neighbor told me about a part time job he took working the front gate/construction gate and riding patrol for the very “well heeled” community right across from us, Palmetto Bluff. He was having a good time and said they were still looking for folks. I thought, “what the hell” and filled out the paperwork, went on the interview and was offered a job two days a week working the construction gate. The pay is hideous ($15.42 per hour) but it was not about the money, it was simply to try something outside of doing not much. There were also some very nice perks…the major one for me was the ability to play on their very exclusive golf course gratis, (of course having to fit it in around the members but totally understandable)…so I figured, why not, how bad could it be (and it might even be fun) so off I went on Tuesday past for my first shift at the construction gate (basically a training shift) 7 Am to 3 PM (I’ve always been an early guy so that was a pretty attractive timeline instead of the 3-11 or midnight to 8 other options and the main gate).

Off I went at 6:55 in the morning (did I mention it was less than 4/10 of a mile from the house), and met some very nice folks.

The job itself is fairly straight forward: There are three people at the gate, always at the gate, never leaving the gate. There is a small gate house, but the action all takes place outside: Beginning at 7 AM and continuing until 5:45 pm, there is a steady flow of all manner of vehicles. There are two lanes, the far right is for vehicles that have purchased annual decals and the left lane is to pull up to the gatehouse and purchase a daily pass (costs vary by size of vehicle).

One person stands in the middle of the two lanes and looks for the decals on those coming in the right lane, one person stands at the podium at the gatehouse and takes the money, issues the daily pass, writes down the company name, destination and the number of the pass. The third person sits in the gatehouse and records the pass number and the money as it is taken in keeping a running total. While there is some rotation regarding who issues and who enters, there’s not much else to rotate.

While it seems easy, (it is, “easy” in the sense of not really complicated), it is…mind…..numbingly…repetitive and….boring….8 hours, without any change of scene. As I was the new guy being trained most of my time was spent spotting decals and waving folks in….for 8 hours….probably 7 of them standing in one place…even when I did issue passes, it was standing in one place…all the while sucking down the usual vehicular exhaust that comes with idling trucks and other vehicles while they wait for their passes…and/or line up to be waved through. Of course, even though the gatehouse itself is heated and air conditioned, since the flow was fairly constant up until the early afternoon, it was all done outside…where the mosquitos and “no see ums” where happy to feast. Add to that the fact that my two days were really decent weather, however, I could foresee what it would be like when the humidity and heat would descend (never mind the rainstorms which they couldn’t even have an overhang due to the varying sizes of the trucks)

Needless to say, I immediately had “buyer’s remorse”, so yesterday, Thursday, about an hour into the second day, when the boss came to check on how I was doing, my response was “let’s talk later”, to which she replied “do you want to talk now?” “If you’re up to it” I replied…

So I simply told her that I appreciated their interest and the offer, but it was truly not something I saw myself doing long term. She asked if I’d prefer to not even bother with two weeks but she’d be more than willing to consider yesterday the endpoint, and that she could schedule around it (remember I was only being trained at that point anyway, so I was an “extra” the entire two days).

With great relief, we shook hands, and I finished up yesterday (missing the first 6 innings of Yankee Opening Day) and with great joy drove the 4/10 of a mile home fully realizing that at no point now or in the future did I ever want to do any kind of “work” that (a) I didn’t enjoy and (b) would last more than 4 hours tops.

A good news postcript: If you’ve been reading you know how melancholy and seemingly lost I’ve been lately…well, the net effect of this most recent failed experiment is how much more I now fully appreciate the life I have and the total lack of any concrete “clock punching” responsibilities. It’s as if the melancholy was blown away by the fine folks at Safety and Security Services LLC and the exhaust of the gagillion construction vehicles.

And with that, we now return to our regularly scheduled program…..