It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling more than I ever expected since Abbey THE dog left us. It will be two months soon. Since those last few days where we had to make the call (and yes, as is almost always the case, it was made very clear) but since a million little things seem to have shit the bed. We primarily made the move to SC for two reason (1) was my desire to find milder weather and while that has certainly been true in the winter, I don’t think I could have ever anticipated the storms that the changing climate (yes it’s real, I have 72+ years of anecdotal evidence) bring in both frequency and ferocity. (2) was financial. We were in a 1900 house that we loved but that was in desperate need of many costly fixes and also the costs of general upkeep and maintenance and yes, utility costs and property taxes were all pushing us deeper and deeper below the surface. Well that too, was successful. It is, in fact, much cheaper financially to live in SC, our mortgage is 1/3 of what it was, the house is new, and comfortable and as another example, two months of oil to run the house (heat and hot water) was more than a full year of our entire utility bill to heat/cool the entire house and that’s including the water bill.

What we didn’t anticipate and likely couldn’t have since the move was made so quickly (that was not by choice but part of the Covid mess that was so badly mismanaged) was how much we would miss so much about “home” (yes, folks it will always be home). Blood family, chosen family, really thoughtful and empathetic residents who, far more often than not even when you disagreed, could discuss issues without evading the reality come to an understanding, so since Abbey’s passing we have started the multi level process of considering a return home.

There are so many moving parts and considerations and it is becoming harder and harder to try to see through the muck and balance the reality of finances with the reality of emotional balance. While all of this is being worked, little things about the new house are beginning to show “cracks” less than 4 years in. The pad on our little back patio is quite literally disintegrating and we are having a concrete place come and take a look at what needs to be done, we also have found over the last couple of days what looks like armadillo burrows in two places and while I’ve already taken steps to use the recommended repellent (castor oil and dish soap if you can believe that) if that does not make them go elsewhere, it becomes a very costly crap shoot to have them trapped and removed, and as the trappers have told us that’s never a guarantee….

All of this has me simply sad…so much so that I am having a hard time enjoying having friends visit for a couple of days, something I’ve been looking forward to since it was planned…today, as an example Sue took them on a day excursion to another cute little town and I opted to stay home since I was simply not good company and didn’t want to spoil things for everyone…I got a little bit done around the house, and then simply sat and listened to music which, instead of lifting me up as it usually does, had be tearing up for a good couple of hours. I tried to shake it off by playing some VR Golf but after 9 holes was not having any of it and opted to “end the round” at 9 (thankfully the Golf+ game gives you that option without cancelling out your stats). Now, showered I’m just waiting for the gang to return, and head off to dinner.

Mix into all of this the incredible dismantling of this nation from democracy and freedom to control and despotism and the large amount of brainless, heartless people clapping like trained seals and it seems so overwhelming that I can’t even avoid it.

I realize this is a very self serving “woe is me” blog, I needed to get it out somehow….