I want to start this by saying I know how lucky I am. 72+ years up the line. I can still swim (slowly but steadily) a lot of laps in a pool. I average between 50 and 80 most sessions. I will be “off” for the next few months due to our pool closing and the town pool (the only other option) being out of commission until at least Feb 2025. However, there are a lot of things that age brings with it that make me melancholy. I have such annoying arthritis in my feet that I need custom orthotics if I even try to jog even more annoying is that, while they work and help on the feet and arches, they change the fit of the shoe and that creates another issue. I love to jog (I used to say “run” but even when I said it, it was stretching the truth), it was something I did for a long time and when I had the sleeve surgery in 2015 I started up again with a goal of finishing a half marathon. A goal I accomplished in October of 2016, still for me personally, one of my top accomplishments.

I also have played (at) golf since I was 13 years old and was introduced to the game by a school friend, Jimmy Paturas, in the Bronx. I played a lot in college, got pretty good, but life, family and work got in the way for a while. I took it up again after my sleeve surgery and again got to a point where I was very comfortable with how I was playing (think a handicap of 17 at the low) and felt confident playing even the toughest courses. Now, my hands (also some arthritis) make that hard. I did finally manage to get the “warning” sign from the first tee at Bethpage Black (one of the best courses I’ve ever played and one that has a warm history due to being introduced to it by Uncle Dominick P. Starace) and while I was overjoyed when it arrived and when I put it up, today I am looking at it as something else lost to the time tunnel of age

When I was young, I happily body surfed and for a short while, really surfed. Again, age has pretty much put the kibosh on that in perpetuity.

When I had my sleeve surgery I swore I would never get uncomfortable with my weight again, and while I am nowhere near where I was pre surgery I now look in the mirror and am both uncomfortable and angry with what has comeback. The really annoying part is that I know exactly how to drop back to where I am comfortable. The incredibly annoying part is that everything I do seems to have almost no impact, it’s as if my body is now saying “fuck you, you old shit, you can keep doing whatever you want but we ain’t giving in” So again I am at a stage where even the slightest variation causes nothing to happen weighed against the fact that at this stage on the cradle-grave timeline, how much joy and pleasure do I want to put aside? And, I have no answer…when I do swim it is very motivating, though swimming does NOT help the weight loss (it didn’t even when I was close to 400 lbs and was still able to swim..after all fat floats)…Running (ok, jogging) did…but that’s pretty much off the table at the moment and seemingly for the foreseeable “future” (again, needing to emphasize the idea of “future”)

I anticipated a lot more travel after retiring and moving to where our economics were stable and actually “friendly”…but the inability to take quick spontaneous trips due to Abbey the dog needing to be attended to (and she is also showing a lot of age) and the cost associated with making those arrangements, if we even can, has kept things pretty minimal. I feel stuck and there are days, like today, where I feel like my tomorrows are so far away that it has me a bit spinning…

So, this is my version of conversing about it, by writing I talk to myself. Sometimes it is immediate relief, sometimes it gives me a path, sometimes it simply takes up some time where I’m not lamenting what seems to be more and more of what I have a hard time doing that I like (or should I say liked). Even today, Sue had me try her new favorite toy, her Meta Occulus VR headset, with the thought of giving me something to try exercise wise without the impact of running until the pool is again available. It was fine and seemed to have promise…until I took the headset off and realized that both while it was on and for a good 30-40 minutes after I took it off I was off balance and almost dizzy. Falling is not something I’m interested in doing any longer so I don’t know if that has any future either.

My plan, when the pool closes, is to try to start jogging again by starting very slowly…say 1/10 of a mile and then some walking (with the orthotics in) and if that works, give it a day off and then try to add a few yards every other day…the benefit of living in a warmer climate is that remains available all year especially in the milder and not humid winter months…am I optimistic, well if you’ve read this far, I’m assuming you see that while hopeful, optimistic would be a major stretch…I also have not been swimming as many days as I’d like as a visit to a very good local Orthopedist confirmed that I do have “swimmer’s shoulder” and while I do exercises to try to alleviate it, it hurts like hell after a swim…requiring a regimen of advil-tylenol all day every day, something else I had stopped doing after my hip replacements and sleeve surgery…

Anyway…it seems like my self therapy session has timed out and I’ve really nothing more to say to the screen…other than

…to be continued.