At the very least, these are perplexing times. We are witnessing a dismantling of civility, of sensibility, of empathy. Simultaneously, there are a significant number of folks in this nation cheering on all of those changes. I find myself looking to shelter myself from the daily screaming sessions, thank you Roger Ailes, it does seem like “the loudest voice” has currently captured the hearts of the mindless.

I was a big comic book reader, DC comics at the start until I found Marvel and Spiderman, Daredevil, Avengers, X-Men, Captain America, The Hulk, Thor et al. Each and every one of those with significant flaws but also so inclusive that in today’s market they would likely be banned due to the very nature of the main characters. Superman was my favorite at the outset in my DC days and it seems as if we have actually entered the Bizarro universe that was first presented almost 70 years ago (1958 first occurrence). The copy of Superboy, quickly labeled “Bizarro”, is a flawed imitation as it possesses chalky white skin and childlike erratic behavior. When he makes his next appearance courtesy of Lex Luthor, in the adult Superman, among the things he says are: Me don’t know difference between right and wrong – good and evil!” Just think on these things…Lex Luthor, whose very character personifies unchecked ambition and the supremacy, being responsible for Bizzaro, the exact opposite of “Truth, Justice and the American Way” that Superman stands for. Who, exactly might the living versions be today I wonder? Notice I didn’t use the phrase “human versions” as, in neither case, the comic, or the current, could any of these characters be considered even remotely human.

It is a daily struggle to find balance these days. Some days it works, some days it doesn’t. Some nights I find myself awake at 2 or 3 AM just floundering trying to get back to sleep with many of these thoughts racing around. Couple all of that with the passing of Abbey THE dog who, even though I’ve had pets most of my life, managed to attach herself to my heart unlike any of the others.

I am just now beginning to find the balance of that part of life, the part without her. I am making a concerted effort to return to being active, something that this winter has really blocked. The town pool was (and as of this writing still is) closed so my main solace, swimming laps, won’t start up again for a few weeks when our community pool reopens. Age, being the thief that it is, has pretty much put the kibosh on being able to run but Abbey was the motivation for getting out and walking, even in her last few weeks she still wanted to go, so we would take short strolls as she would tire quickly. When she crossed the bridge, I let my sadness take over and could not motivate myself to get out, then it hit me that she will always be with me, so I have taken up the walking mantle again, and have committed to finishing a 5K the second week of April. I take something of hers with me each day sometimes her collar, sometimes an old tag we had for her collar in case she got loose, sometimes just the lock of her hair that the vet clipped for us on “the day”. There are days I can actually hear her barking with another dog walks by.

My music playlists vary a lot with my mood, it can go from Bruce to Bocelli. Just a couple of days ago, when I did my longest session at 3.3 miles just to make sure I am able to finish said 5K, I was listening to a fabulous album from Mark Knopfler: Tracker. It turned out to be the perfect length as it covered the entire walk and was just ending when I got back home. A few songs prior to the end is a duet he does with Ruth Moody on the song Wherever I Go. It stopped me in my tracks and my eyes started to drip, ultimately turning into a full scale flood. I imagined it was an exchange Abbey and I had on her last few moments…Here’s what I mean:

It opens with Mark singing: (and me imagining it was what I was saying)

“Maybe I’m bound to wander
From one place to the next
Heaven knows why

But in the wild blue yonder
Your star is fixed in my sky

Then Ruth (in my mind, Abbey’s voice) chimes in

Just another bar at a crossroads
So far from home
But that’s alright

Whenever I’m going down a dark road
I don’t feel alone in the night

Now they sing together

There’s a place in my heart
Though we’re far apart
May you always know
No matter how long since I saw you
I’ll keep a flame there for you

Wherever I go“

then there is a brief interlude with his fabulous guitar bridging to his next part (I am a mess at this point)

Mark (me)

They’re looking to close up in here
They’re pulling down the blinds
But they’ll let you stay awhile
They’re not going to mind

Ruth Moody (Abbey)

Now I’ve got to leave you, brother
So this round’s mine
Here’s looking at you, anyhow
You can go on and have another
They won’t call time
I’m going to say my goodbyes now

Finally, they sing the chorus together after which Mark plays it out for another 2 minutes as only he can:

There’s a place in my heart
Though we’re far apart
May you always know
No matter how long since I saw you
I’ll keep a flame there for you
Wherever I go

The picture with the bow she was still with us, saying her goodbyes “now”, the one without, she had crossed and the song was fading out

While I still tear up, even now as I type, I can smile a lot more about the time we had with her, so I guess the state of the union is such that it remains inconsistently unbalanced.

No matter how long since I saw you, I’ll keep a flame there for you, wherever we go..