“Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained
Worth the price of the pain?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?”

So opens Dan Fogelberg’s song of the same name, in truth, it is written about love lost and the search for love but it applies to a lot of other things as well and so I’ll use it as the most recent springboard.

For as long as I can remember as an adult I dreamed about getting out of the cold when my working years were behind me, as such, when we retired for good at the end of the school year in 2021 and having sold our home in Norwalk, CT we very quickly, and sight unseen, purchased a home in Bluffton, SC. Originally we wanted to live on Hilton Head, having vacationed there multiple times but a combination of needing a single family home (Abbey THE dog was the prime consideration there) and rising prices due to the COVID exodus led us to Bluffton, the first town off island. We worked with a fabulous agent, Beth DeAngelis who found us the home and so, in August of 2021, having never even seen the house in person, we moved in, very excited about what was to come. The costs were lower, the weather warmer (talk about an understatement there) and world looked bright. New construction, one level living, plenty of room enough to accommodate anyone who we hoped would visit regularly. We were aware that moving to the South was a risk but were really convinced that there were many who shared out blue leanings and we hoped that it would simply grow.

The first year was, in fact, very special, I loved the 12 month shorts and flip flop weather, Abbey THE dog loved long walks along a great pathway and we were excited to explore what we were told were great food options. Living, as we did, as only the third house built in the new development, had many peccadilloes, noise, trucks, lack of any neighbors, a pool that was promised in the fall, that took two more years to complete, but we were still learning and taking things in. Friends and family visited but the visits were relatively short and became fewer and farther between. We did travel “up” but again, not as much as we thought we would. Holidays were lonely, it was just us. We knew one other couple who we had spent time with when we were vacationing here, they were, at that time, based in Atlanta, but had a family member living in Sun City who they visited frequently, yet when we offered to host Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner we were met with an unexpected silence and ultimately a polite decline (only after having to remind them we were in the process of shopping for things).

As more people moved in, we did make what we thought would be solid connections and then came November 2024 and the lead up to that election cycle. This is when it became abundantly clear that we were not only completely outnumbered (all you have to know is that we were the only home in a community that by then had reached 240 homes, that had a Harris/Waltz sign), but considered pariahs. The connections we thought we had made were not real connections but were, in fact, totally fractured, even, in once case, a neighbor we had gone to dinner with multiple times saying to me “you know, you’re really fucked up” with regard to our leanings. What we had hoped would happen was exactly the opposite, those folks from the north moving down were not going to shift things even slightly, more, they were running from the empathy and sanity of the northeast to be with their cult and so it grew. There likely are some in the community who don’t actively feel that way, but the silence is equally complicit in allowing the groundswell to grow and flourish.

That’s not, however, the sole reason for our discontent. We had, in fact, “escaped” from snow and ice yet I was beginning to realize that 3-4 months of winter was not nearly as annoying as 6-7 months of heat and humidity so oppressive that we found ourselves actually spending less time outside than we ever did in CT. When Abbey THE dog ran her final race in January of 2025 we no longer found any reason to spend any real time outside. The cool breezes of fall and spring are missing, I realized that after 70 years of looking forward to Opening Day of Baseball season I didn’t even care since that marked the change of seasons which here don’t exist.

So it began to be apparent to me that so much was missing that Sue was overjoyed when I said we needed to go “home” (she really only made this move for me). Last summer when we drove up for a 3 week visit (well two weeks of visiting and 3 days each way driving up and back to make it more palatable) I knew, when I started to tear up crossing the Tappan Zee bridge, that it was time to make a legit plan. We spoke to Beth about selling the house and she recommended waiting until early spring as that was when the market was at its best.

The housing market here in SC is pretty flat at the moment and there are a lot of homes in the community for sale, however for us, Sue’s talent at decorating and the whole house automatic generator were, I’m convinced, the two separators and we did get an offer after “only” 90 days on the market.

As I write this, things are moving very positively, we have found a 3br/2.5 bath townhouse to rent in Niantic, a bit farther away that we had hoped but in a great CT shore town. We will be a mile from a fabulous beach (interestingly, while the Hilton Head beaches directly on the ocean are fabulous, they are such a chore to get to, including a schlep from the parking lots, that in the 5 years we have been here I don’t think we’ve gone more than 5 or 6 times in total.When we were in Norwalk, we would drive a few times each week to the beach so I’m looking forward to fall and spring visits just to take in the tides). We are also looking forward to great food again. Other than one or two places here, the food is, at best, mediocre, when folks say “local seafood” is fabulous, it does not hold a candle to New England seafood (when even the best restaurant in the area brings in Blue Point oysters that has to tell you something). Blink and you’ll miss softshell crab season, and when you find them in a restaurant 95% of the time they are fried to a fare thee well, instead of perfectly sauteed (something we quickly learned to do for ourselves). You cannot get a good tomato here (sandy soil does not allow them to grow tasty), bread?? nope, and even much to my surprise the quality of meat is sub par. I’ve been grilling steaks for years (even bought a new Weber grill when we moved in) and regardless of where I’ve tried, there is nothing that matches the steaks from any CT butcher.

What I don’t want to do is use a broad brush to paint a negative picture, this is only to express the fact that this move has been a wonderful long vacation, and yes, we will likely return to vacation on the island at some point. It is far less costly to live here (of course the lower costs are one of the reasons support for quality education in a “right to work” state is so missing), but again, 3-4 months of winter is offset by 6 months of hurricane watches and warning and the almost daily torrential storms (though quick moving but persistent) from May through November also. The lower costs are also reflected in the dearth of primary health care, something else we are very excited to revisit back “home”. That said, we have found a few great specialists, and while I’ve found some one I’m ok with for primary care, I’d rather be more than just “ok” with who I see.

I would forever have wondered, if we had not made the move, what I was missing by not leaving CT. Now I know that I am missing CT and home and seasons and there is no wonder, and honestly because of that, no regret. Am I looking forward to another long distance pack up and move, and going from one level living to lots of stairs in the home, nope….but again all that is offset by the emotional balance and connections we have been missing…

If you are lucky enough to keep aging, one of the gifts you are given is the ability to look back as well as to look ahead. Getting older, especially now almost half way into the 7th decade, has its shares of annoyances. You get stiff easily, you slow down a bit, you can’t hit or throw a ball as far (by a long shot), in my case I get more twisted about making trips and look at what might go wrong instead of what is going right. That said, you also realize that life is not a straight line (not even in the Non-Euclidean sense). It is not a novel, it is more a collection of stories, some short, some long, some interesting, some mundane, some comical, some horrifying. This latest story is none of those yet simultaneously ALL of those somehow interwoven together. I feel incredibly fortunate to be fully immersed in this alongside the best companion, someone who has taken this ride with me, even if reluctantly (that alone speaks volumes). Abbey THE dog got the chance to live her last 4 years in absolute heaven, even making her final journey in her beloved yard surrounded by the two of us who she brought so damn much joy to, and for that alone this detour was worth the trip.

As we are beginning to make lists, check off various boxes, arrange packing, moving, leases, we also got news that a very good friend passed after a very sudden, unexpected diagnosis seemingly out of the blue and an equally quick last few laps, as well as Sue’s aunt passing. What is significant about those events other than the sadness associated, is another reflection and asking ourselves “if we were in that position would we want it to happen here?” The answer was very quickly NO. While I struggle with mortality as I age, I want to feel like I’m home when the finish line is one day in sight. Try as we did, this never truly felt like home for us.

So if you took the time to read this far, thank you it means a lot to me. When you have a chance, raise a glass, toast the good that surrounds you, hug those you love, laugh long and hard, keep in mind that hate and division serve no purpose, that someone else winning does not mean you lose. Facts matter, love conquers all, science is real, lies and attacks just are there to cover up things you don’t want anyone to see. And When life gives you a choice, ALWAYS drink the good wine.

Time for Bruce to play us out as we head to the future

“Big Wheels rolling through fields
Where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreams“