Courtesy of Bruce Hornsby/Don Henley

“O’ beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They’re beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And they’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie”

This goes back over 30 years and the fact that it is still relevant and not simply a nod to the past is very concerning to me. The idea that festering hate and division has not only come, full blown, to the surface but is encouraged and proselytized among a significant portion of our nation has to scare the crap out of most folks.

Well organized hate groups, elected legislators touting scare tactics like “Jewish Space Lasers” and minimizing school shootings (to the point of these same folks saying publicly that such things were staged or hoaxes), networks giving voice to these ludicrous antics all giving “permission” to those who want to divide.

While FDR did say “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” I think today, the fear mongers are using everything in their favor to have the fear grow.

Are we perfect? Far from it, but does hate and the thought that one group is superior to any other, that one religion or belief system should dominate really make things better? I’d argue just the opposite. Why are there so many who are so unwilling to learn historical lessons from the past of this nation alone (Slavery, Anti Semitic hate, NINA (No Irish Need Apply) signs in store windows etc. Hate and discrimination know no boundaries, yet all should be aware….

Seems like, on this dreary, cold, Sunday, as we await a physical storm in CT, it would be the right place to end with this….a reflection on different type of storm, one that can’t be cleaned up with simply shovels, plows, salt and sand….Be kind and be helpful:

“First they came . . .” by Martin Niemoller

“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Just the title of an old Moody Blues song that sparked the ideas here today.

I’ve been watching the events of the past week or so play out and I find myself constantly shaking my head in disbelief. I think anyone who has been through the 60’s (decade not age, though that also applies here), realizes that there has always been a serious undercurrent of hate and fear. Yes it goes back centuries but we keep thinking we have “finally” gotten ahead of it or at least under control.

“Never again” is what usually shows up in all rational discussions of the Holocaust, yet there, plastered on screen in video and in stills are shirts proclaming “Camp Auschwitz” (with the back saying “staff member”) and 6MWNE (six million were not enough) for all to see as if they were being worn as a badge of honor.

Right vs Left, Black vs White, Gun lovers vs Gun haters, loose interpretation of the 2nd amendment vs strict interpretation of the 2nd amendment, Christians vs Muslims, QAnon vs everyone. Facts vs Spin, information clouded by misinformation.

American society, as we currently know it, has seemingly declined into short burst opinions not based upon knowledge and research and thought and exchange of ideas, but following various cults of personality and promulgating whatever is said by the personality you prefer.

What is really apparent is that the underlying current of hate and fear is no longer underlying. “Take our country back” an oft heard phrase with many variations…what exactly does that mean? take it back from whom you might ask? Well, it seems that means from anyone or anything that is different from the people or persons touting that phrase. Seems very similar to another “mass appeal” back in the 1930’s no? and we all know how that turned out don’t we?

Last I looked, there is no single dominant race, religion, physical trait, belief other than the genetics that determine Homo Sapien….[The binomial name Homo sapiens was coined by Linnaeus, 1758.^[10] The Latin noun homō (genitive hominis) means “human being”, while the participle sapiēns means “discerning, wise, sensible”.”] in fact, even the “discerning, wise, sensible” seem to be lacking now…we are actually behaving closer to Homo Erectus.

I keep watching and waiting for humanity to get a collective grip and yet, it seems that small pockets of self entitled, ignorant, frightened, power hungry voices are taking the lead. I only hope for better. I keep thinking back to years of teaching problems solving in secondary mathematics…a really good approach is to start with an informed set of steps, try some things, reject what is not working, keep the best of what you’ve tried and make it better….

To end on a note of hope…Sue and I have appointments for our first dose of the Covid Vaccine, while I know it is not a “cure all” I have great hope that it will mark the beginning of, not a return to what came before (since clearly there are were and are some real problems) but the beginning of a new dawning of kindness, consideration, care and love.

Go and do something nice for someone today, and for yourself as well.

Snow clearing, roof raking, a much looked forward to dinner canceled. Winter has flexed its muscles with a show of force today. Covid rising, no escape to the sun for a few days, no time running on the beach, no hugs with kids, no watching the grandkids revel in the arrival of Santa, no Happy New Year hugs and laughs with friends (let alone no Guinness on tap at a particular friend’s annual celebration). Some things will remain: Sue will make her traditional WASP standing rib roast and popovers for Christmas Day dinner, but it will be just the two of us (and Abbey THE dog of course, who will likely be delighted in her “take”).

Then there is the rollout of the very promising vaccine, being able to be warm and comfortable in a home with my very special wife, music, laughter, sharing thoughts and stories at happy hour, realizing that through all this (at least as of this writing) we have stayed upright on the surf board while we navigate the waves of the pandemic. Light at the end of the tunnel, hope, looking forward to a time when the ocean will again cuddle me in it’s loving embrace, shaking hands after a round of golf, swapping stories over some craft IPAs.

A line from Barry Gibb toward the end of the documentary on the Bee Gees struck me yesterday…thus the title of this piece. It is a scary thought how quickly time passes but trying to grab every moment is one of the realizations that comes with that knowledge and acceptance.

Trouble ahead, trouble behind, and I guess that notion just crossed my mind….

The title refers to the result of 1/68th converted to a decimal. Why 1/68? because that’s how I feel at the moment. It represents the fact that I feel like, due to Covid, I’ve “lost” 1 year out of my current 68.

While that may not seem like a lot, and in fact, if you look at the decimal and it does seem insignificant. One penny (rounded of course), something that most people simply walk over if they see it on the street [even before being afraid to pick up something someone else touched without sanitizing], you have to put it in the perspective of the “cradle-grave timeline”….the closer you get to the right side of said timeline, the more quickly it goes and the more you feel it. The further you move along that line, the more you appreciate Warren Zevon telling Dave Letterman when he was asked about what he learned knowing his time was short, “Enjoy every sandwich”.

Some things that are lost, like time, cannot be recovered. It is really now, much further down the timeline, that I thought I’d have the opportunity to be selfish and grab onto all the experiences and things that “life” put up obstacles for. Yet, here we are…is there a glimmering light ahead, yes, most certainly, but that doesn’t help at the moment, if anything it makes it a bit harder to take.

I’m a creature of habit, I shudder sometimes leaving my comfort zone, yet my incredible wife has spent many years gently (and sometimes not so gently) prodding me to open up and follow the path the universe puts out there. Well, Mr./Ms.Mrs. Universe…what exactly IS your plan at the moment? Asking for a friend…..

Meantime, a current favorite song is by Dawes…”When My Time Comes”….the recovering catholic in me particularly appreciates one particular line…(bold faced here so you don’t miss it)…

some of said lyrics….

“So I took what I wanted
And put it out of my reach
I wanted to pay for my successes
With all my defeats
And if Heaven was all
That was promised to me
Why don’t I pray for death?”

Enjoy Every Sandwich folks….I’m trying….

“I’ve been out walking
I don’t do too much talking
These days, these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to…”

Some lyrics ring louder some days than other days. These days these words are both haunting and troublesome. I find myself again struggling to find some joy, some light, something beyond checking the boxes each day and fulfilling responsibility.

I thought I had it knocked last week when I was heading up to play golf the day after a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration (small, distanced and in a great open air setting at a restaurant with three friends and my lovely wife) and on the radio comes THE mandatory kickoff to holiday season…Bruce’s version of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. I actually found myself tearing up thinking how great it was that even in this upside down world, that 40+ year tradition still meant something to me.

Since then, we’ve put the tree up and all I felt was “big deal”, gonna decorate it in a few minutes, but again, it’s an obligation not an event. Rudolph that Sue LOVES is recorded and we started to watch it yesterday (had to stop as she fell asleep from sheer exhaustion ) and all I did was scroll through my iPad while it was running.

I am excited about celebrating her birthday in a couple of days, but on a day by day basis I find myself almost in a fog. I get a big kick out of my few classes in the morning, I come home, walk the dog when the weather permits and after that I simply wait as if I as in suspended animation until happy hour, knowing that a few hours later it will be time to try to sleep.

I can’t stand that the entire news cycle has, again, been dominated as it was in March by Covid. While the excitement of a viable vaccine does temper that a small amount, I simply listen to music, play word games online and try to decide if it will be wine, gin, tequila, irish whiskey or a single malt at 5 pm.

As a 68 year old, active educator who still is technically obese due to BMI calculations (thanks to being short), I’m actually toward an early part of the vaccine list and that is hopeful, hopeful that I can resume traveling, dining out, and more importantly seeing my kids and grandkids who are now headed toward their own retirement age it’s been that long since I’ve seen them.

I long to hug people, to shake hands after a golf match, to pat a kid on the back when they do a good job…it’s been too long…and while I rejoice in the fact that both Sue and I remain healthy and active, the “rejoicing” stops short of joy.

“I’ve stopped my dreaming
I won’t do too much scheming
These days, these days
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten
Please don’t confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them”

I guess tomorrow is another day….the search for obscured joy will continue…