profkf's Blog

So…..we left Colonial Williamsburg early in the morning on, got some coffee and some breakfast sandwiches at Dunkin’ about 2 miles from the Colonial Houses, and headed north. The wonderfully reliable GPS recognized a boondoggle around DC and rerouted us very nicely, it was a slower route but it was constantly in motion so that was very much appreciated. We stopped at one of the Maryland Houses on 95 for a break and got some sandwiches and filled ye olde gas tank so as not to have to stop again. The journey continued up the Turnpike to the Garden State Parkway, and over the TZB very seamlessly and with great hopes that we would arrive in more than enough time to take a breath and relax before heading out to dinner. Well, we were heading to CT remember….and as it turned out, not really a great surprise, the Merritt Parkway was at a dead stop from Greenwich on up.

Sue texted Tori at that point (I was driving) to tell her we were stuck…she suggested we get off and let the GPS pick us and guide us in (it was NOT rerouting us at that point). We did that and were lucky enough to get to Wilton before dark. We had just enough time to get all our stuff in the house, freshen up and, in my case, have a very stiff drink. Max, Tori’s son, was kind enough to drive us to Rowayton Seafood where we had a reservation for dinner with Tori, Paul, Laura, Tracy, Amy and Dan (basically the Hawaii/Napa/Tuscanny travel gang). The dinner and the conversation was fabulous. Josh, the general manager and sommelier (and someone who has become our friend) had set us up in the Crow’s Nest to make it even more special, and he came in on his day off just to say hi and spend a little time conversing with us. Gene, our server, also a friend and also made the evening very special.

Wednesday was a day to relax and run a few small errands. We were able to return a small bit of Tori’s hosting kindness by helping her deliver flowers to a client, Sue got her car washed at Splash (nothing like that down in SC), I got a much needed pedicure at my favorite and deeply missed, Sun Spa nails, and…drum roll….managed to get the last two bottles Ancona’s had of my favorite Greenhook Gin Smith, Old Tom gin!!! Tori made a kick ass chicken pot pie type dinner (all the while getting ready for the big feast the next day) and as a bonus, Tori’s Uncle Richard Seff arrived and we spent hours catching up with him and being entranced by his many stories of the stage and simply of his life.

Thanksgiving day!! After a decent night’s sleep (though truth be told, in a queen bed, it’s always avoiding the body blows), some morning coffee and bagels, a bonus…The Point, a wonderful independent VT radio station we stream, played the original version of Alice at 8:33 am….what a great start to the day. Then beginning at 10 AM, Fred did his usual Thanksgiving special show and yes, another version on Alice at exactly Noon (when tradition says it MUST be played).

Football, conversations, jokes, chopping vegetables, snacking, sipping, all throughout the day. More time spent talking with Richard, and eventually, Jill and Mark arrived adding to the list of folks we had missed over the past few months.

Dinner was a triumph!! Turkey, with all the fixings, punctuated by the MOST delicious pignoli cookies.

As the evening closed down, it was time to think about and get ready for the trip home the next morning. (I took a LOT of grief for the planning and the timing, but you’ll see in Act 3, that not only was it worth it, it was totally necessary)…

A wonderful couple of days in this whirlwind trip. The most magical of all was the opportunity to spend a lot of time with an incredible gentleman who shared so much of himself and his life that I can only hope to have 1/100 of the life he continues to lead.

Well, it has been quite the week! I don’t think I’ll put all of it here but will break it up into two or maybe even three parts. The first leg to Williamsburg, the second to CT and the third being the trip home. So let’s begin:

Sunday 3/22, in the morning, we packed up and set off for two days in Colonial Williamsburg. Sue had never been there and was really interested in seeing it. We really wanted to stay at the Williamsburg Inn, but it had nothing available for the two days we wanted to stay so we settled on another part of the property: The Colonial Houses. They are part of the center or the historic area, walking distance to everything, especially the couple of restaurants we wanted to try out and were recommended to us so we made the reservation about a month or two ago and off we went. The seven or so hour drive was pretty seamless, our GPS routing us around a slowdown and we arrived around the time we would have had we been able to go straight up 95 and then over to 64. The address brought us directly to the magnificent Williamsburg Inn as the main check in was there, talk about a tease…it was exactly the kind of place we had hoped for, however, upon checking in we were given the directions to the Colonial Houses about a block or so away, we were cheerily told that we were going to be sleeping in the same location that Thomas Jefferson had stayed in back “when” [should have been red flag #1, but we were tired after the drive and it didn’t register]. We parked where we were told and just like James Stewart in “Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation” (if you don’t know the reference, shame on you), we schlepped from the parking area over uneven cobblestone paths to the back of the Tavern that we would be staying in…upstairs…. Now, it was not too bad except that Sue had one bag, one LARGE, wheeled bag, fully packed, and it needed to go up stairs that had not been changed since 1776 or so…

Well, up we went to find a room that perhaps Mr. Jefferson had slept in not in 1776 but the night before. The mattresses were on a sheet of plywood on a bed frame that likely predated the signing of the Declaration of Independence. There were two chairs that perhaps Ben Franklin was sitting in when contemplating electricity, two dim lamps that likely he tried his first electrical charge in and a bathroom, though containing all three necessary fixtures, was equally tiny. There was a small dorm size fridge and a tv but really no room to move or sit comfortably in (more about that later).

We were tired so we opened a bottle of wine and sipped in preparation for out 5:30 dinner reservation (the only thing we could get for that night and we planned that a few weeks earlier as well).

The first thing we discovered as we were looking at the map and planning the next days events was that over 50% of all the places were CLOSED on Monday and Tuesday, as were ALL of the restaurants and pubs within walking distance. So off to dinner we went, (about 1.5 miles away, the closest we could find). It was decent, the oysters were great and because we were so early, we hit the happy hour so it was only a buck a shuck, the meal was ok, the server was an absolute delight. We returned to the room and planned, as best we could, the following day based upon what seemed to be open, a bit more wine and off to sleep.

We woke up the next morning to an incredibly chilly rainy day, weather that was forecast to continue through out the day. We found out that the ONLY place open for breakfast was in the Williamsburg Lodge (as nice as the Inn, but also with no rooms available), so off we went hoping to start the day relaxed with maybe a nice Eggs Benedict and perhaps a Bloody…NOPE..only the dreaded breakfast buffet and no Bloody on the menu.

After breakfast we took off under our umbrellas and walked to the ONE exhibit we actually found open. The walk took about 8 minutes, the exhibit about 4 minutes. So we decided to simply wander the streets only to find just about everything closed, [remember it was raining steadily so even the outside places that were listed as open were not in action due to the weather]. We decided to simply stroll to a nice pub hoping to have lunch and a libation in front of a warming, colonial fireplace…NOPE…all closed..every…..single……one….

So we went back up to the room….and passed the remaining 5 hours till dinner playing phone games, joking, and trying to warm up a bit….in the uncomfortable chairs….

Dinner was actually great, it was a pub type restaurant (Blue Talon), and the food was really good {as was the martini I so badly needed}. We decided to get up early the next morning, earlier than we planned, and simply pick up some coffee on the go and head to Tori’s in CT…where we were very excited to be having dinner that night with “the gang” at Rowayton Seafood..and to top it off, in the Crow’s Next as arranged by Josh the general manager, sommelier, and someone we also call a friend.

Had we had a clue what we were getting into at Williamsburg we would not have made the stop there, the information was not really clear when we were making the trip. We realized it would be rustic, but we didn’t think we’d be living like actual residents in the restoration given the rather large “tariff” we paid. However, we were tired, frustrated, cold and wet but really none the worse for wear…Off we went on the next leg of the journey….home to see friends in CT….a tale for another day…

I actually CAN wait to get on the road again, however, tomorrow it will be exactly that…on the road…

It was less than three months ago that we packed up and moved to SC…my incredible son helped me out big time and we drove through the night (well HE drove most of the way…likely 9 of the 13 hours), with Abbey THE dog along for the ride. We drove overnight and avoided all traffic issues. Sue arrived a few days later, having broken her trip up into three stages. We unpacked, settled in and have really started to enjoy being here.

Then we started to talk about continuing a tradition of Thanksgiving dinner at Tori’s in Wilton. It sounded like a fabulous idea, so we planned a trip. We leave tomorrow morning and will stop at Colonial Williamsburg, since Sue has never been there and has wanted to go. That’s not too bad, as the 480 or so miles are all south of the DC/Baltimore boondoggle. Then, Tuesday morning…we leave for CT…and have 7 pm dinner reservations at one of our favorite places, with friends we’ve not seen in the three months away….through the DC/Balt area, followed up by the TZB and more going into CT…I’d be lying if I said I was not dreading it…THEN….Friday morning, to keep ahead of all the OTHER holiday travelers we leave to come back…this time the goal is to get through the DC/Balt. area and pull up for the night in Virginia , the rest of the trip the following day.

Couple this with the fact that we are leaving Abbey THE dog with a petsitter that we are not quite sure of for a lot of small reasons…however, it was the best arrangement we could make for this trip.

I’m sure I will regale you with tales of the trip sometime in the next two weeks…for the time being, keep a good thought for us for a smooth, seamless trip both ways…

Happy Thanksgiving to all!! I am truly thankful that we even have these options.

I simply cannot seem to wrap my mind around the current state of the nation. The election cycle has again brought to the surface the fissure in seemingly all of mankind. Left, Right, Blue, Red, Patriot, Snowflake, constant labels being put on people by those who believe differently and the labels are always negative, always derogatory, always meant to inflame and insight further animosity.

I also cannot seem to come to grips with the fact that so much is spewed out of both sides of the mouth: Example: I was born and raised a catholic (long since “lapsed” or perhaps more accurately “recovering”) and for all my life I have heard and read about how god loves us all, in fact, for the past 8 years I spent my post “retirement” working in a catholic middle school. The reality is that in Catholicism, we are actually shown the opposite of the words spewed…God does NOT love anyone LGBTQ, I actually know them to have been referred to by an administrator as “fags” and as “disappointments”…this from someone who represents the archdiocese of Bridgeport…. This same school also loves to talk about how they are family, well that’s a nice thought, but other than in Stepford, show me the family that all marches to the beat of the same drummer (something you are expected to do in that “family” setting. It is also a “sin” to marry someone NOT of the catholic faith, and if you are given “dispensation” to do so they must promise to raise children as catholic or it’s a no go… Why?? if they don’t are the children then “condemned”? if you actively discourage a different belief system is it because you are afraid someone will see the faults in yours?

Then we have the “my body-my choice” anti vax and anti mask people….who are constantly using that slogan to support their own version of idiocy…YET many (dare I say MOST) of those very same slogan spitting buffoons are the same ones protesting in front of Planned Parenthood clinics and doing everything they can to limit and ultimately overturn Roe v Wade. seems kinda contradictory doesn’t it?

I could go on with more examples and anecdotes but you already know the drill so I won’t. The truly distressing thing for me is how much worse it keeps getting. There is no reason anyone should believe the same as everyone else, diversity and difference of opinion based on real facts is healthy and productive. Debate and discussion, discourse and dialog all very good, but when it becomes epithet tossing, name calling, screaming, blocking, filibustering and denial of change for the better simply because you are somehow in power over others, that is unhealthy and unproductive for all of us.

To close this series of thoughts yet more song lyrics that I heard today that kind of fueled this post it’s really about love but I still think it fits:

“Feeling forsaken
Broken in two
How did this ever happen to you?
Taken for granted
Bruised and betrayed
Lonely survivors
These promises made.” Dan Fogelberg

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to live in a warmer climate than I spent the last 69 years of my life in (NY-MA-CT), and I’ve wanted to live near or very close to the water.

Sometimes things work out, as those of you who have been reading along know, in late August we moved to Bluffton, SC from Norwalk, CT, the sequence of events leading to the move and through the move, pretty much cataloged in other posts, so I won’t recap here (feel free to look back if you are new, and if you are, welcome!

Today was one of those incredibly glorious days…Abbey the dog and I went for a nice walk, then, it being Sunday morning, Bloody Marys were made and at 10 AM, Fred Migliore’s radio show FMOdyssey was fired up courtesy of streaming, and for the three hours we simply listened and enjoyed. Then it was much too beautiful a day to resist a trip to the water, only a few minutes away, and so we did…hoping to see some dolphins playing (there were none today) but to simply sit, listen to the water, and enjoy the sunshine was magical…

All I kept thinking was ….I Live Here!!!

Anyone who has read some of the series of thoughts I’ve set down over the past year and a half or so is aware that I have done my level best to avoid most news stories during the pandemic. The dreadful, downright depressing atmosphere set forth from 2016-2020 was difficult enough and when that was coupled with the cataclysmic events of increasingly preventable illness and death it became too much so I read, ran, played golf, and listened to music.

Move ahead to fall 2021, we now live in a state where, for the most part, people seem to believe Covid doesn’t exit, though the weather does allow for mostly outside activity, we have also had our “booster” dose of the very effective and safe, vaccine and I really don’t seem to be all that concerned. None of that changes the fact that we, as a locality, as a nation, are increasingly divided and it seems, becoming more so by the day. I could not help but read about the “visit” to my former (and still dear to my heart) home state, CT by the incredibly idiotic MT Greene. The “rally” was filled with shouts still contradicting the results of a two year old election that has been more scrutinized for inaccuracy than anything I can remember (all for naught as each attempt was nothing more than an exclamation point on the fact that the election was accurate and the result fair).

Currently there is more division going on in the school district I taught in for a quarter century and which, to this day, still holds the best memories and where I still have many friends and connections. A small, but vocal, group of parents, none of whom has ever spent a single minute as an educator of any kind, keep spouting rhetoric where they presume to know it all and know exactly what the best policy is. The interesting part is that many of their ideas are housed in the same divisive areas as the political climate, they constantly say they want to engage in dialog, but then shout down anyone with a different viewpoint, the give you a list of things but when asked for the facts behind their list, they simply raise their voices and talk about how YOU only want to talk about it from your perspective, never, ever, giving any supporting documentation. The latest exchange though the press is a “reply” to a letter written by a 30 year educator written to point out how toxic the current treatment of supposedly valued staff is. The respondent, a former serviceman (yes, I am thankful for all those who choose to put their lives on the line and that includes this particular person), out of one side of his pen talks about how he does truly value the teachers and how it’s the administrators who don’t value their teachers (a glimmer of truth for some of them, but even painting that picture is done with a broad brush with no attention to detail and nothing more than out of context examples). Then, in the very next paragraph, he talks about how “you work for us”, perhaps the single best example, of going right back to the plantation mentality he has exhibited in the past (to the point that this particular individual had to resign a position based upon various public diatribes against many who did not look or believe like him. He talks about his kids crying when they come home because they hate wearing masks in school. Let’s think on that, both my wife and I taught with masks all day long and ALL of the kids in my classes and the overwhelming majority of the kids in her classes didn’t cry, didn’t object, they simply wore their masks. Why you may ask? That’s easy: 47 years in the classroom always showed the same thing, kids will do what is asked of them, especially when they are given solid reasons why, unless the guidelines or rules are constantly undermined and chipped away at on the home front. It is also interesting to me that these same contrarian parents always pepper their comments with the fact that “the schools/teachers seem to forget that the parents are our kids first and best teachers”. That, frankly, is a very, very true statement. I have never met a child who was born to hate, to disagree, to act up, to be entitled, that is learned behavior and I can pretty much tell you the it is not something taught in any school I have ever been a part of, so where does it come from? Yup, you guessed it, from the home they come from.

All of this division is born of the same thing: fear…fear that if someone has something different from you, or is given an advantage for some reason, it is at YOUR expense, or it is because you will then lose something. The amusing part is that most of the people who promulgate these ideas are being fed the ideas by those who don’t care about the people they are riling up [do you really think that #45 and his ilk gave two flips about what could happen to the 1/6 insurgents, no they were safe and in hiding]. You don’t have to be a statistician or even a magician to see that the states with the most obstinate leaders (all of whom are very, very well off themselves) have the worst education systems and worst health situations.

Division, for lack of a better word, is bad.

So just yesterday, in talking to my lovely daughter for her birthday (the conversation was a day late, as on her actual (41st) birthday, timing was out of whack [her mom duties overpowered her “self” duties], she asked me what out day was like now that we are retired and “settled in”. It gave me pause, as, for the moment, our “day” amounts to waking up, sipping coffee, reading email, reading various electronic papers (I really do miss holding the Times and the News but that’s just the way it is now), either walking the dog, going for a run (sometimes both), lunch, more sitting, happy hour, dinner, some TV, then bed. There are some errands built in, but not much. We currently have only one neighbor and they work split shifts (he’s a marine, she works in health care) so our only engagement is the occasional nod or quick exchange outside.

That brings me to the morning today…I’m sitting at the local BMW dealer getting some routine work done on the car and it continues to amaze me how much more low key it is here. Not the usual crush at the service center, easy check in, and a delightful covered table so I can sit outside and watch the rain and the cars going by as I type. Mornings here, especially without the last 47 years of alarms going off, are almost magical. The sunrise, the roosters crowing in the distance (it is still somewhat rural), and just the enjoyment of the ease of the upcoming day. It’s also very interesting how the events of the past 18 or so months have really prepared both of us to be in a very solid coexisting state without getting on each other’s nerves too quickly so I guess that’s a positive outcome. I am incredibly grateful for a loving wife and companion who makes me laugh, for my kids and grandkids who are happy and healthy and who also make me laugh and mostly for my health. A few years back I was as large as a whale, and at risk of a much shorter stay, now, unless something mysterious pops up (and we all know, life can be funny that way), with the exception of the occasional stiffness from too much activity, I foresee another 4 or 5 decades (yes I know that’s optimistic at 69 but what the hell, science continues to make things better doesn’t it?), of smiles, laughs, love and activity.

There really is no way to say no to the morning…

A mythic place, a place that never really existed except in legend.

Thus the thoughts this beautiful South Carolina morning….

If you’ve read anything prior, you know that I spent the overwhelming majority of my adult life teaching (mostly high school). It added up to 47+ years and it was an incredible run filled, for the most part, with joy and laughter and lessons both taught and learned. Close to 25 of those years were spent at Greenwich High School. Friendships were forged that continue to this very day even though I have been gone from there since 2004. I met my wife, Susan, there (she was there for 37+ years and has even deeper connections as she was raised in that very town and attended GHS herself). If there was an educational setting that could have approached a real life Camelot, GHS was it. To this day it has a pulse and a heartbeat unlike any other place I’ve taught or attended, however, that heartbeat is fading a bit. It is not fading because of the still largely terrific grunts in the trenches, but due to the change in leadership that began in the early 2000’s (thus my decision to leave) and continues sliding down a very deep hole to this very day.

When I began there, we had leaders at every level who trusted the folks they hired, who encouraged the folks they hired, who were really, really interested in their input and allowing them to grow and improve. It really was a team effort on every level. While, of course, there were disagreements, I always had the feeling that someone had my back. The leaders were sharp, eloquent, thoughtful and for the most part gentle. If you screwed up, they did take you to task, but always with reasons and giving you the opportunity to fix it.

I have followed the operations of the distrcit, because it sill holds a very special place in my heart as well as having been the best place to be during the time I was there, but mostly due to Sue still being there until she retired and it’s sad to see what it has become. A myriad of Superintendents, with the current one having zero interest in even giving lip service to input from the team of leaders at the district level. It is a top down dictate without any discussion. The majority of the nominal leaders are either clueless or climbing, in either case the method of “do as you’re told” seems to be at the top of the administrative agenda. The good news and the hopeful news is that there are still some in leadership positions who would easily have fit in back in “the day”, the bad news is they are being overwhelmed and ignored.

Camelot no more…however..this is a great way to close

“Don’t let it be forgot
That once there was a spot
For one brief shining moment that was known
As Camelot.“

We have begun to “settle in”. Unpacking is done and we have been very pleased with the way the new home is laid out in terms of space. While we don’t have a basement, attic or shed, the good news is that it provides so much less opportunity to crap things up. We need to be mindful of using the space we do have. As an aside, my incredibly helpful son, while here helping out at the very beginning, bought and assembled a full shelving unit for the garage where we have put the holiday decorations and a load of various rubbermaids that serve as necessary storage, all labelled, all arranged so there is that. The interior of the house has so much closet space that we have two totally empty guest closets. The pantry in the kitchen is less than 1/2 used, the cabinet space in the kitchen plentiful, well organized and well positioned. I’m not fond of the electric conduction cooktop but we decided that we’d wait a year and see if we adjust to it before we decide to go with a gas cooktop. I do like the double ovens that can be totally controlled from the app on the phone.

That leads me to the title after a rambling introduction…since we are now mostly unburdened with moving in, we have begun to tool around some out of necessity (DMV, Taxes, groceries, etc) some for fun (restaurants et al). One of the great revelations is how far from “home” everything seems to be, yet how it is not a burden. We are more miles from everywhere, rather than from nowhere. Most of the places we have gone or need to go are between 5 and 11 miles from the house. Some, on Hilton Head and Port Royal, as many as 15 or 20. Yet, the amazing part is, these “trips” are not bothersome at all. There is no CT “traffic” where simply going one exit on the parkway to dinner could take upwards of 20 minutes and be annoying. Yes there are cars and trucks on the road, but it always moves, occasional lights, and stop signs but no annoying rubber banding, mind numbing loaded traffic. I suspect that, given what I’ve read and heard, there will be times during “tourist season” [apparently mostly very late spring through Labor Day] where Hilton Head can, at times, be a bit “testy”. However, there are a few things working in our favor there as well. First, being, as we are, fully retired, we don’t have to operate and go during the “prime” times that vacationers are coming and going. Second, and more importantly, even then I suspect that what those not familiar with the NY-CT area think is terrible will be at worst a minor annoyance.

Each time we embark on a chore or an outing, I am pleased to enjoy the beautiful trees and the view as we find our destinations [still, mostly, courtesy of GPS but learning more each time]

So this closing seems apropos today:

“Miles from nowhere
I guess I’ll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there”